


I will find my way home

by Bunnybunkins



Category: Holby City
Genre: F/F, Love Letters
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2019-01-08
Updated: 2019-01-08
Packaged: 2019-10-06 11:07:39
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 840
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/17344187
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Bunnybunkins/pseuds/Bunnybunkins
Summary: The way it should have gone when Bernie leftThe right sort of animal





	I will find my way home

Serena, 

I love you, I feel I have always loved you. Before that kiss, even before we met and I will always love you. 

The truth is, as much as I love you, which there is no word or amount, now is not the right moment, nor time.

And I know you love me, of course I know. I know the depth and the meaning behind ever gesture you make. I know the truth your eyes tell me, the secrets you hide. 

I am tired, the truth is I have been tired for so long. This isn't your fault as it is not mine, there is no falling out of love, the vastness of my feeling have not changed, this is not about love for that will never change. 

Sometimes the night and day meet, and it is not the time. It's too quick, the night has not yet heard every song the midnight sings. It is not ready to give, not fully, to the day. It stands in shadow of the moon as dawn opens and beats, it awe and love of the first song of the birds not enough to pull it from it's lulled waters. 

Sometimes we need time, sometimes we are the end but not the middle. Sometimes we met and love, we see the end and yet there is the now. 

I will miss you with every beat of my heart, every footstep I make, every song of the moon and break of the day. I have loved you for always and I will love you forever. 

Do not be alone. We are not meant to walk alone nor love, know we must offer all parts of ourselves. It is not a betrayal my love, know some loves, some souls are for now, and some for the end. 

Share all of you, break and bend. Bend and shape my love with time, nothing is wasteful, no mistake. It is you, we are all our mistakes and, all our truths. There is no falseness in truth, the only true and sure thing we cling to is, the end, in the end I believe, with my whole soul, we find our way. 

You are my ship, my anchor, my singing bird. You are the only home I will know, the route back to you is imprinted on my heart. I will find you, always.

Now we must know every corner of desire, urge and need. Follow your heart, open every door, my love. Wake each morning with your soul ready to take, break and love!

Then, only then, the dawn and dusk meet, the songs of the moon a lullaby to the sun. 

You are my one. My only. Know I tried so very hard to stay, know I tried so hard to keep you, with me. I know you would as I would, give all for this yet it is not the way.

It's not time, I do not know where I will go but I know I have not seen, felt enough. I know you need time to love and grow, your loved ones around, and there will be a time when those things will meet and create, us, the end. 

Until then, do not weep. I know I will run inside you as you do me, nothing is lost, it is stored and it is safe. 

I am not leaving with anger, I am not leaving at all. I am moving, somewhere I need to as you find yours. Know this is the way it was before we even fell in love. Our story has been written my love, we must now, simply just live it with everything we have. 

Knowing when to say goodbye, knowing that love is not displays, gestures or refusing to let go. Know it is truth, know it is not without pain, know my heart breaks. Know this is real, know it would have come, the goodbye and time, would have come even if you had not desired or needed or felt.   
Know either something is or it is not. Pain does not remove our truths. Know all love has a place and time, do not ever regret that, ever act of feeling is meant, it has it's place and time. 

Know not to fear pain or what could be. Break my darling, scatter into the pieces the stars shall light, become broken and whole, each time you will lose but my love, my love, you will gain ten thousand times. Do not fear to hold the sands of time for it will fall through your fingers, allow it, claim it. Touch will never fade, it will grow simply, endlessly with time.   
Serena, I will find you in any darkness you encounter and every joy. 

Your love has given me the roots to grow, a home to come to. It has given me the courage now to say goodbye so I can say hello. 

For now,  
I say goodnight and the songs of fireflies will sing our love. 

Bernie.


End file.
